GloPoWriMo: April 25th

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image from here 

Today’s prompt  was to take a line from an existing poem and just run with it. I chose a line from Pablo Neruda’s The Old Ladies by the Sea (as can be read here) which has my borrowed line translated as ‘the solitude crowded with bonfires’ (variations do exist, though this is the most beautiful)

The poem is a result of an almost freewrite/association type of exercise. It’s had minimal tweaking, but I kind of like that raw energy. And at least I can say I’ve done some exercise today… ; ^)

Exaltation

We had lost keys but nothing
had prepared us for this. The train
was late to deliver us. The platform

squawked. Tourist. Commuter. Elbow.
Utter. Tragedies in lost
luggage. A ruffled ticket. A kiss

forgotten, peck misplaced. Meanwhile
November swooped anaemic
around us and you wished you had

your other jacket –
I knew this
because of the hard angles of your shoulders
and the coldness in your breath.

You barely looked at me. You said
nothing. We were going home,
– yours, not mine – to celebrate.

Boarding the train you found space
in a murder of black umbrellas,
the little grey legs of businessmen

stuck out from nests of newspaper.
You took the window seat
– I wouldn’t have minded
so much but you leant against the glass

and closed your eyes: it was dusk and outside
people in tiny gardens were preparing
dry beds for chaos

locating matches, hatching sparks.
You slept peacefully in the flock
of Teflon feathers. And I sat peaceful

in the solitude crowded with bonfires –
the warm wisps of the landscape
as distant and real as a sequence of events

that really should not have happened.

 

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4 thoughts on “GloPoWriMo: April 25th

  1. Wonderful poem, I like the way you arranged the lines and the progression atmosphere you created. I especially liked “murder of black umbrellas”, such a clever way to describe it and give a whole new dimension to the saying in the original.

    Liked by 1 person

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